“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.”  Nietzsche said it.  Who has not thought or repeated it?  I have.  Then, when I started thinking about life as it is, I reviewed this expression and whether I wanted to retain it.  I’m doing that with a few expressions, as I find them.  It has served a good purpose.  I think I’m trying to put it away, now.

I was talking with a friend about viruses, particularly, getting the flu.  She mentioned that the virus really is designed to kill you, that recovering from it, well, we ought to see the miracle in that.  I agree, in part.   But, I think a scientist would have a different take.  It’s not out to kill you per se.  It’s out to survive.  A virus is a living thing.  It does what it does to live.  It hasn’t any concept about killing you, it isn’t personal.

We do this with a lot of things.  Set up adversarial relationships.  We are at cross purposes.  But, is that really true?  Is it useful to us?  Maybe, that expression has been.  Probably many people have pulled up out of the dust by that one.  I just want to look at why we have to think things are out to harm, or kill, us?  Is it always true?  Sometimes a person, or other organism, is just doing what it does, and we happen to be the done to in that situation.

Why do we think misfortune, challenges or trials are this ‘adversity’?  It’s the stuff of the day, and you deal with it.  That’s the way I’m trying to see things.  Trying to get inside that equanimity.   I don’t see the limb that fell from our tree and into the road as an adversity.  I see that strong wind broke a branch of a very old tree, and it fell.  Period.   The fires that are currently raging some miles from me, it’s fire.  It does what fire does.  There is destruction, loss of life and sadness from that.  These fires are the result of someone’s careless disregard of the law, and other persons and property.  There should be consequences, natural ones that fall from such an event.   Why can’t we accept our true feelings about such events, rather than demonizing them?  I feel very sad about the destruction of the land, the loss of life and harm to animals, damage of people’s homes and property.  It’s an event that leaves a scar.  I believe we deal more effectively with our lives, and have something effective to pass on, when we just deal honestly with the emotions we feel, rather than projecting some quality on to something.  It’s another layer, not a solution.

So, when you trip over the rug, or fall off the deck (my specialty), the rug and the deck are not out to kill you.  They are not a challenge or an adversity.  They are what is.  The results are what is.  You don’t have to like them; it’s ok to be sad about the consequences – it doesn’t help you to think something is out to get you.

On that note, I’m going to have a cup of coffee and sit on my deck – it looks ‘friendly’ today.  Lol.  Thanks for stopping by.  Lilie


11 thoughts on “WHAT IS WHAT IS?

  1. Hi, I just nominated you for the Reader’s Appreciation Award! I think you’re a great writer and you deserve it! Go to my blog http://stevenleocampbell.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/reader-appreciation-award/
    to claim your prize! Have a great day!

  2. mliddle says:

    This is the first time I have been to your blog because someone nominated you for an award & my friend was nominated in the same blog post. When I saw your title, I wanted to visit your blog & see if we would be a good match.
    This post is brilliant! My first thought was there could be a God with this basic presupposition of non-adversariality, because the things that we blame God for & rage at God, “Why do I have cancer & why are you killing me with cancer?” are moot questions. Cancer is doing what cancer does. It just so happens that my mom is the host of this breast cancer. In multiple sclerosis, the immune system attacks itself. That is what MS does. God did not give it to me to disrupt my life & take away my dreams. The fact that I didn’t finish my PhD & now am writing, is a side effect & may not be the purpose of “God giving me MS.”
    Why do we automatically make issues/natural occurences advesarial? When I did family therapy w/my clients, they automatically assumed that because wife wanted one thing & husband wanted another, that they were on opposite sides. I tried to encourage them to be a team as partners and attempt to view housecleaning as an issue that needed to be solved together. I felt like I was performing magic tricks!
    I agree with your perspective as you have presented it so far. I do want to explore it further, & apply it to an aspect in my blog (such as chronic pain – I have chronic facial nerve pain which is a real winner!) I would like to write a post on it. If you are interested, I’ll let you know when the post will be on my blog ( probably in a few weeks).
    Thank you for a provocative post!


    • mliddle says:

      In your widget section from your WordPress Dashboard, can you put up a widget to follow your blog by email & RSS? You could place it in the first position in your left sidebar. I’m sure other people (who don’t have WordPress) would love to follow your blog by email.


      • I have a couple of friends who follow the blog by email, I don’t know how they do it? I know how truly dumb this sounds, but I have no idea how to make that happen. I don’t know what a widget is. Lol, ask me about meditation, or the human body, I can talk – but, computers, internet – no way. lol.

  3. mliddle says:

    The reason I ask to have a way to follow by email & RSS is that the only way people can follow your blog right now is if they are a WordPress member and hit “Follow” at the very top of the page – the black horizontal thin bar. You would have more people follow your blog if that was not the only way.

    • Hey Monique, thank you for the suggestion. I very much appreciate that. I worked on it this evening and I think I did it. I wasn’t being facetious. I am frustrated by the computer/internet and any workings thereof, so I often don’t pursue things that would really be helpful to me. Again, thanks and I have learned something. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the posts and comment, thank you for following. Lilie

      • mliddle says:

        It worked!!! I’m so glad you did it. I hope it will help with your subscription rates because I think you have a great blog!
        I’m always hesitant about giving suggestions, except in this case. I knew that other following alternatives could only help you.
        If you ever get in a bind, I’m happy to lend a FREE hand – no spamming here. 🙂 Just a friend letting you know if you need a hand & I can help, I will. Let me know by replying to this comment. At the top of the page, WordPress lets commentators know if we get replies to our comments.


      • Thank you, you inspired another post. I sure appreciate your help. I enjoy your blog, keep it up. You are an inspiration and an encouragement. I love the idea of building community, and I see it happening. It’s nice to meet others who have similar intentions. Thanks again, Lilie Allen

  4. mliddle says:

    Hi Lilie!
    It is so nice to meet you! Thank you also for viewing my blog, and for your post in which you mention me. I feel blessed by knowing you. 🙂

    Have you ever read The Spoon Theory? If not, I do recommend reading it because Christine demonstrates to people, who are mainly healthy, the limits of people with chronic ailments. I don’t agree with everything she says. I would be interested in what you think: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

    On Twitter, “Spoonie” has a daily Twitter paper in which they include all types of blog posts and articles. I nominated this post for the Daily. This post was included in today’s Daily: http://paper.li/amynluv/1299892742#!stories. Your post is halfway down the page.

    That’s the other thing I noticed. Your name is not on this blog. Perhaps you want it that way. However, new people coming to the blog do not know who you are. On the About page (listed as pages on the WordPress Dashboard), if you wanted, you could include your name and a small bio. Or you can do what you did above & sign each of your replies to comments on posts (or sign your posts themselves). It’s up to you; & that will be the last suggestion. This is your blog & you want it a certain way. Maybe you don’t want your name on here.

    All my best to you –

    • mliddle says:

      Lilie –
      Scrap my last comment about your name. I must not have seen your name – I feel like an idiot!! I apologize for saying anything at all. Please know – I love what you write and it feeds my soul.

      • No problem at all. Actually, I tried to space it a bit. You couldn’t really see my name at the end of the posts. Please don’t ever feel like you can’t say what you think and feel to me. That’s the whole point of the blog, to get people to allow themselves their freedom. I have paid a high price to finally find mine. I’m not trying to get people to agree with everything that I write, but to look and see what they think about it. What do they want for their lives? What do they want to feel and think, and how do they want to act it out? Those are the questions. None of us is perfect; none of us is always right. It’s learning that about ourselves and accepting it, liking ourselves even when we mess up, because we know we aren’t our mistakes. With compassion, we see how our mistakes affect others, and we improve – without condemning ourselves.

        I hear you on the shame thing. I had to accept social security disability. I was sure it wouldn’t come to that. I thought I ‘looked’ perfectly fine, and if I looked fine; then, why couldn’t I start acting it? A lot of self-blaming and condemning. Much time passed and I then got the point that this behavior wasn’t helping me or anyone else. Things were what they were. What could I do to be productive? What could I do to contribute? That’s what was worth going after.

        I am glad I have met you. I’m seeing the beginnings of wonderful community here. This is what we need now. Ways of coming together. If we know each other’s stories, and how we come to the feelings, thoughts and opinions, we have, it seems things improve for everyone. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Thank you so much for reading. Lilie

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