In coming out of my mental slumber, or on the awakening part, of my journey (laughing), I finally found the good sense to review, beginning with assets. What/who in my life was helpful to me, who/what was I helpful to? I put into practice skills I developed through meditation, taking inventory without judgment was a start. This, more than other skills, may ‘unstick’ you, move you forward in ways you never considered.

Rather than annoyance or anger at situations and folks, I assessed. If you have people close to you: relatives, partners, close relationships who aren’t (or haven’t been) supportive, don’t go to them for support. K-n-o-w that, and move on. You don’t necessarily have to confront or leave them. We all have strengths and limits. You – look to your strengths PERIOD. Refuse to rehearse old stories. Do what is skillful, helpful, useful.

Consider, first and foremost, you are your best emotional support. Learn how, get counseling, read, ask, research. Put together a plan that depends on you. The world does not alter, nor stop, because you have chronic pain/illness and you don’t want to be one. Family and friends are living, too. Situations exist and occur in their lives, too. No matter anyone’s commitment, love and support, they aren’t responsible for you. Consider that with chronic pain and illness may come the consequence of occasional self-indulgent thinking and behavior, you can change that. Do not act it out on those you love – well, on anyone. Again, assess, consider, change.

The more you are willing to find resources within yourself to meet your own needs, the more you are your own best comfort and, surprisingly, to others. You will find yourself connecting in ways that build and strengthen, endure and contribute. I found that gratitude thing, it gets stronger, as well.

May you have eyes to see, ears to hear. . the heart to change. Peace to you, Lilie.



For Friday, I offer some poetry.



on your. . .

on many hands

Ring the bell, sister

Ring it over



blue sky nights

no moon shines

on too many

Ring the bell, brother

gateless gate

open wide

make the sign:  hold the lotus

she blooms in mud



elements of all our lives


on a lily pad

shares your skin

Ethiopian, silken, dark face

an empty bowl land

get out of your

mercedes,  the congo. . .

Agni’s coming, a hot wind blows

Ring the bell, my mother

my father

hold out your hands

cooperation is riches

compassion made an ocean,

deep and wide,

every drop – none lost

every living thing has eyes

Ring the bell, Thay

We are listening

Lilie Allen

Aug 29, 2013


I have a particular topic for this blog, but first, let me say:

Thank you so very much to Steven L. Campbell, for nominating me for the Reader’s Appreciation Award.  I was, well, I just can’t think of the words – for a writer, that’s something, but it happens.  Thank you.  Please, go to http//  Check out what this gentleman has to say.   And, Steven, please read the rest of this, it may explain some things.  My next post, it will be just blogs appreciated and passed on.  Again, thank you so much for your most kind gesture.

Permit me to begin here.  I am often tangential; usually, I connect the dots.

I learned something and received an offer of help, and the help itself.  Right here, on this blog.  It was consciousness, and conscience, opening which is what I am after, more than anything else, these days.    I saw (I’m interested in what you may see?) some things you receive, some things to regard when help is offered and/or given.  I’ll name 3.

1.  It’s personal.  Even when offered by a stranger.  There’s an extension, a connection, a desire for one to provide for another.

2.  It begins as a thought in someone’s mind; is allowed to develop, and the intention is acted upon.  It’s personal.

3.  Help/assistance often has a motive.  Keep reading. . . That motive is often selfless.  Motive does not always have a negative connotation.  It just means something that causes a person to behave in a certain way.  It is very often NOT exploitive.   How, then, is it selfless?  In my opinion, the giver has sparked a primary importance: the recognition of suffering, or need.  He/she believes  in his/her ability to offer to that need.  And, has the courage (it does take courage) to act on that.  It’s personal.

Now, 3 things to remember about that:

1.  It’s personal.  Be respectful.

2.  It’s personal.  Acknowledge value.

3.  It’s personal.  Be kind.

The last in the exchange:  2 things to do

1.  Reciprocate.

2.  Pass it on, in any way that you have the ability (not optional).

Of course, I don’t have to mention that you will feel and want to show you’re grateful; because, you carry that gratitude thing on you – any ‘chips’ being replaced by the daily practice of that, yes?  Yes, we’re trying.

Now, to the how I learned it, and the reinforcement:

My pain of my health condition expresses itself in this negative way:  I am limited in my energy; and, I am embarrassed about this –  my frustration and concentration level.  I work on that through my meditation, but I must be aware of the truth of its present state.  I spend my energy working at yoga, meditation, knowing the human body and the body in motion, reading, knitting, performing ‘home tasks’.  And, that’s about what I can tolerate.  When something extra is added, particularly in certain areas, I can become resistant and frustrated quickly.  Those areas, computer (not kidding), anything to do with computer function and/or function of internet activities.  A wonderful reader Monique Liddle at (please, check this out) offered me assistance with reaching out to more audience.  I was, at first, resistant.  I didn’t think I could do it.  I just blog, just write.  I don’t even check out the functions offered at wordpress.  Usually, my patience wears too thin for that.  Monique, offered, and gave me the tip on how to accomplish this.  Then, she was courageous enough to say why this might help me; she stuck with me – a stranger, she offered, and stuck with me to let me get through my own frustration.  She didn’t take it personally; she didn’t give up.

Help, assistance, gives us more, more deeply than the surface.  Please, accept help when offered – even if you don’t follow the advice, or action, accept gracefully, gratefully.  It’s a consciousness/conscience opening act.  Let  it be that.  There’s a reason for it, that connection – it’s personal.   It’s a building block.  It’s a chance to learn to l-i-s-t-e-n with all that there is of you.  Think what that could do?  Ok, now, do the wave with that – lol.

Thanks so much, Monique.

Thanks to all who have stopped by.  I hope something said encourages you, makes you think, makes you see your worth, and pass your words on – tell me about them, so I can.

Again, thank you Steven L. Campbell.  Lol, I have to figure out how to do the award thing.  If I don’t get it, I will, at the very least, post blog sites – there are so many creative, thoughtful, kind and, yes, helpful folks out here.  Lilie Allen


In Buddhist writings, ‘Shenpa’ is the distracter, that chattering inside your head, always something to say.  This is one idea for coping with ‘Shenpa’.

a nice day, in the mid50s

walking into the early morning

Shenpa begins talking

wonder and worry

and all the other things

mind has to say

gray rain cloud forms a low ceiling

over this valley

to the mountains and beyond

a deer jumps, then sprints into the thicket

chipmunk runs the rails of a fence,

and skitters off

the dam seems quiet this morning,

beaver must have slept in

birds fly out from the bushes

surprised by the sound of footsteps

the sun tries to part the cloud,

for a moment,

with his big, round, bright face

moment by moment

this is what we have

what deserves our attention

let Shenpa get his own ride home!

from the book, A Perfect Blossom, by Lilie Allen

copyright 2010


My dad was dying.   He knew it.  He didn’t have much time.  Dad was a planner, and he usually got his way.  Now, he had a plan.  The most important thing, he said to me, was that my older brother be baptized, that he believe in God the way my dad did.  Because, he wanted to be assured he would see my brother again.  Dad wanted to involve me in this.  I watched as he started his plan.  Preaching and talking.  He was becoming discouraged, and was lying in his bed in quiet frustration.

I just sat, too, silent.  I felt  pretty sad over all he was doing.  Then, a thought hit me and the words came out, unexpectedly.  “Have you seen that guy who sits in the chair opposite you, every day?  He notices everything, everybody in the room, while crossing it, before he sits down.  He’s tall and steady; his features are chiseled sharp and strong for who he would be in this life.  This one, he’s the person everybody runs to.   The Rock.  That was before he became a Navy corpsman, and then a Navy SEAL.  One of the elite.  He put himself through college; married a woman of character and good sense; they built a family, and a life, from which you now benefit.”

“This guy, he’s listened to your words and honored you, all his life.   He sits quietly, patiently, with you every day.  He notices everything; watches over and protects you.”

“There sits a remarkable man.  I remember him as a boy.  He followed what you said; what you taught.  He gave his word and he kept it.  Tough and kind.  Don’t you remember?”

“That guy, he’s a remarkable man.  He’s your son.  Isn’t it hard to breathe, when you realize that?  Don’t you want to just lie here and think on that?  This incredible human being  is yours, part of you.  He gives you a sense of belonging, because he is here, and will never leave you.   Don’t you want to know that?  He is here, and he won’t leave.  Don’t you want to know that, and hold him tight?  If there is God, let Him be God.  Love your son, that’s what you do now, love your son.”

That was the mission needing to be done.

Consider what your mission is, and whether it connects with present reality.  Does it truly serve, or are you missing the lesson prepared for you, right in front of you.

Thanks so much for stopping by.  Lilie


We all have a story to tell, and they are worth telling, IF only one person listens, and learns.

I never thought I would tell mine.  I was good at keeping secrets.  But, maybe, just maybe, one person will hear, and it will change the course of his/her life.

I got my life kicked – hard.  And, I fell.  Doesn’t matter how, who or why.  What does matter is why was I available for that?  What in me allowed it; didn’t see it; wasn’t consciously present in my life?  Those were the questions I asked myself.   Those were the questions that saved me.  I didn’t blame myself.  No.  I did examine my character and the course of my life, because I was the person I could change.  I wanted to be the person I knew I was inside.

I created a second chance for myself.  I think everybody deserves a second chance, and maybe they get it on the fourth or fifth try.  My first course of action was to separate myself from those with whom I had associated, and I sought out a very wise and compassionate counselor.  That was my safety zone, from which I plotted my course.  I had many influences throughout my life who practiced mental discipline, and some did this by meditation.  I studied everything I could find; took every course offered by every religion, organization, university,  individual, etc.  But I was no joiner anymore, not to or for anything.  I took religious studies, sociology, psychology, medical studies,  and so on, building and learning what most people come into life with naturally, through their families.  I have to say here, my dad was a great source of wisdom, but it was just not available to me then, didn’t mean I couldn’t find it now.

I stepped out of the cocoon and tried new things, slowly but surely.  Got myself a yoga teacher’s certificate, meditation certificates, pain management certificates, and so on.  I began to take writing courses, and turned to writing poetry, a love from childhood, and now I took myself seriously.  I began attending writing groups.  And, I published two books of poetry.  I didn’t look back.  I just kept going.  I had begun to have medical issues.   I had to accept the loss of my working life, and tried to ‘work’ and contribute in other ways.  Again, I didn’t look back.  When the stories played in my head, I acknowledged them honestly but did not entertain them, didn’t ruminate on them.  I realized I was in control of my thought life, all the time.  With practice, that became stronger and stronger.

I felt like Ghandi’s famous quote, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  And yet, I had begun to have friends who were Christian, I mean that in the sense of acting like Jesus, really acting like Jesus.  So, I am watching and waiting.  Don’t know that I will ever join any group again.  Still feel like I need to know where the exit is.  I don’t like ‘group think’.  I try not to lump people together with groups, see them as they truly are in their own lives, but when it’s ‘group think’ or ‘group speak’, I keep my distance.

The most important lesson I learned;  You must regard you.  You must think well of you.  You must have a plan for your life, and believe in it.  You must hold it dear, and not give up on it for other persons.  It is one thing to help someone else, and I strongly believe in that.  But, DO NOT GIVE UP your goals, your life, your plans for another.  It won’t help them, and it most certainly will not result in anything positive for you.  And, YOU is what you have.   The least selfish, most giving people I know, regard themselves; have strong self-respect, and are accomplished in their life goals, and continue to have and set goals for themselves.  You can’t be free to extend anything until you know  yourself.

Whatever situation you are in, it is not hopeless.  You are still there, still present inside – listen to that.  Become present, awake, aware, conscious in your life.  Reach out.  Take one step at a time, but take a step.   I did it, and I got to take someone with me.  Someone who turned out to be a most incredible person, and love.  He just made that same decision:  To find, and be his true self.  I did hurt people I loved, and I can’t change my indecisions and weakness of the past, but who I am now is what counts.  I stand up for my mistakes, and take the consequences.  I repair where I can.  You are worth it, too, come on – it’s your chance, now!

With love and regard to you.  Lilie   – Thank you for stopping by.