TALKIN’ ABOUT IT

I try to make my posts as concise as I can, and not to harp on a point – I do my best about that.

I appreciate that the ‘Hypocrites’ subject generated so much interest, and private emails.    So, I want to revisit that a bit, if you will indulge me.

It is my intention to always point toward myself – not others; to share what I have learned that has been helpful to me in changing my thinking and my habits.  And, to reveal that I know I’m always in need of working on myself, and of change.  That said, the ‘Hypocrites’ article was about ourselves, examining our reasons, our beliefs.  I did mention my definition of a hypocrite.  Once I recognize that in a person, I just move on, blessing them and that’s it. I get back to the business of minding my business, that’s a full-time job.

If we look to others as our reasons for not living fully in us, we are losing something very precious that we won’t get back – time.

It is sometimes difficult to get over injury done to us by another person.  If you feel that you are too tender about your painful thoughts or experiences, make sure someone is with you – ask a friend, visit a counselor and try this practice with them.

I recommend this practice that finally set me free.  It isn’t about forcing yourself to forgive, or condoning the person’s actions.  It is about you.  If you are having hurtful, intrusive memories about past events, please try this – be gentle with yourself – I’m not a psychologist, and you know what you can handle.  But let’s try:  Find a place to be in a comfortable position, where you will remain awake and alert.  Get comfortable in that position.  Breathe.  Just breathe.  Watch your breath.  Only watch your breath.  Don’t categorize it.  Don’t count it.  Just breathe.  Only watch your breath.  As thoughts come, let them walk by.  Don’t attach to them.  Recognize you are  thinking, let them walk by.

Realize you are safe.  Sitting, or in whatever comfortable position, safe, breathing.  Now, count your breath – inhale and exhale count as 1.  Count up to 5.  If you lose your count, your mind drifts – start with 1, again.  Thoughts come.  Give them a name:  ‘thoughts’, that’s all.  Just know ‘thoughts’ have come.  Breathe.  Count your breath.  Watch and feel your breath.  Where does it enter, does your body contract when you exhale?  Breathe.  Count your breath.

If the intrusive, emotional thoughts come, breathe and watch them.  If tears come, let them fall, don’t encourage, just let what is be what it is.  Breathe.  As intrusive, emotional and painful thoughts come, name them:  “painful”.  Say to yourself, “these are painful thoughts”.  Breathe.  Breathe fully and slowly, through your nose.  Breathe.  Look at those thoughts.  Examine them.  If there are painful actions toward you in those thoughts, realize they were not about you.  Other people, whether they are relatives, parents, friends – they have wounds, history, personality characteristics and they act from those, just like you act from what came before in your life, what is happening  now, and what you hold inside.   Some people change through their life, some do not.  Breathe.  This is the way this person acted.  This is who that person was.   Breathe.  You can’t be responsible for someone else’s actions, toward you, toward themselves, toward others.   Breathe.  You can, at any moment, decide how you will carry memories in your life, what memories you will carry.  Breathe.  Breathe the memories you would love to carry.  Breathe a pleasant memory for a moment. Each time the intrusive thoughts come, realize you have examined them, you have given them their name.  They do not presently exist.  They are only thoughts, and they are passing, impermanent.  You are now.  You are breathing.  Begin to trust who you are now.  Know that you have learned and can decide now with whom you will have relationships.  You can trust yourself to find healthy relationships.  Breathe that.   Breathe and begin to come back into your circumstances.

Throughout the day, if thoughts of others’ behavior toward you nags at you, take a moment, breathe and say to yourself inside your mind:  I have seen you.  I have examined and named you.  Breathe.  Only a thought, passing away, let it go.  You may have to do this for some time.  You may find that the thoughts are gone, and something triggers them.  Doesn’t mean what you are doing isn’t working.  It means you have a mind that lays down memories like wearing a track, exactly like that.  The more you practice ‘forgetting’ , the stronger that will become.  Pretty soon, you may have the memory, it won’t have the emotional charge   – it will just be a truth.

The truth behind  this that makes it effective:  YOU are in control of your brain.  Your mind decides what your brain entertains.  That is a scientifically proven truth.  YOU, not your brain, are in charge of what you think; what you allow to remain.   The more you practice being in charge of your thoughts, the more leadership you have over them, and over your own life.  Whatever came before, this is now.  The YOU inside is the one in the driver’s seat.  It’s only a choice away.

So, again, thank you for the discussion inspired.  But, by giving the article the name ‘Hypocrites’, I wasn’t looking to point out anyone’s behavior but our own.

May you have a pleasantly thoughtful day.  Thank you so much for stopping by.  Lilie